The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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