please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
