I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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