And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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