i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
