Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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