Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
