Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
