All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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