I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
