She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
