Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
