i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
