you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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