Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
