is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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