You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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