Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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