Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
