you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
