Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
