I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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