I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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