if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
