It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
