I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
