You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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