Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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