Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
