We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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