So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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