does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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