1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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