even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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