I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
