So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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