Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
