I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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