and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
