This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
