Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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