Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
