i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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