So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
