I feel great
I just peed on a car
that's an acceptable place to lick
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
