Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
