Are we in a gay sports bar?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
