How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
