you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
