That's when you crack a 10am beer
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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